The bitch loves cashews, hates dating, hates to see peoples' underwear but would love to own a boat.

New friends are better than bad relationships.  Calling the other woman who you caught him cheating with is not over the line, but eating food that you have met is over the line.

Speed limits are enforceable in Illinois, they are not mere suggestions.  People should learn to sit quietly and take it all in rather than commenting, especially when they have absolutely nothing to add to the conversation!  This is offensive driving at its best!

Back to being funny, suffering appointment rage, which goes hand in hand with gym rage and road rage - the basic take away - if you want to see me make an appointment!

Tonight, for a minute, I thought I had wandered into a convention for epileptics --- but then I realized I was at The Boat Drunks concert here in Champaign.

So I have finally moved into my new house and was going to start writing again - but then the dogs started fighting and I decided to just quit unpacking and sit down and watch tv...

OK - so Tuesday after giving blood, and my blood pressure dropping too low I ended up in the Emergency Department at Carle --- I was on a gurney in the hall --- and I am not complaining about that --- I was not in a life threatening situation - I was laying down and I had a great view of the main doors so I saw everyone that was coming and going!

First of all let me say goodbye to another friend - Bob Scofield - he is gone way too soon - and he will be missed.

I just typed my whole gym bitch rant for the day about the emergency room and the whole fucking thing disappeared. There are a lot of days that I hate technology!!!!!

I was going to get on here and write about my experience at the carwash today -- but instead I found out that a lovely woman that I have known for 38 years died -- I guess last night or today...........

If you think you had a bad day - check out the guy in the photo -- Wang Dong -- Not only would it suck to have that name - he is wanted by the FBI for conspiring to commit computer fraud against companies in the US.

Beginning yesterday at 5pm, I changed roles from GB to Blackburn College Trustee. We started with a reception at the President's home, a dinner and then the Baccalaureate service. The first picture is of all the trustees robing in the green room for the service last night.

Check out Funk Roberts doing burpees in this link -- I am not sure the link is copying correctly so if you just google Funk Roberts Burpee you will find a shirtless man in dark gym trunks -- that's the link to click on!

See the picture below - provided to me by Gayle Kamerer Rediger. Wow -- for Mother's Day at Der Wienie I did eat some fries - chili cheese fries and a chili cheese dog to be exact -- I think that would take half a million burpees to burn off - and it did take a lot of Tums to just survive the rest of the day!!

The picture below is of Jack explaining pickle ball and me looking skeptical. I looked it up on Wikipedia - because everything I read on the internet should be true......... here is what they had to say about this sport

As Kate Keller Maggio already pointed out we had a very nice Mothers Day -- I mean how can you beat Weinerschnitzel followed by horrible indigestion - and a trip to Prairie Gardens --- where a woman in a sleeveless t-shirt, with tattoos yelled "here it is!" - she was talking about the fairy garden section -- she looked and acted more like an ogre (no offense Shrek and Fiona) and when she yelled at her 4-5 year old daughter -- "Get your ass over here" that was the real kicker -- nice Mothers Day talk --- kids are a privilege not a right - you wretched old cow.

Tonight I crashed a party at the home of Chad Ebbert - it was in honor of his brother's 30th birthday -- Happy Birthday Byron Ebbert!! Byron wanted me to use as many bad words as possible when I wrote tonight --- it made me think of something we use to recite at swim meets.......

A loyal reader sent this in, and while he is male and this is hot pink - I do think it is acceptable to wear to the gym -- as long as it is covering your jiggly parts -- on this particular man - I do not think he has jiggly arms - so he is good to go!!

A Gym Bitch reader commented yesterday and reminded me of a funny story...............

It is a little known fact that the Gym Bitch is perfectly comfortable dining at a five star restaurant, but is equally happy to eat gas station food.

This is especially funny since I ate a bit of egg salad I made with expired Miracle Whip today...

I'm back.......................(use your Poltergeist voice)

One of the many things wrong with our government.............in yesterday's Champaign Urbana News Gazette there was an article from the AP about a family trying to circumnavigate the globe in a sail boat. A couple with a one year old and a three year old..........

Unless you truly believe that you may find Jesus behind my couch, there is no need to come discuss religion on my front porch.

In talking with Heather Smith Tucker and deciding that we will go see a couple of the films at Ebertfest -- the topic of clowns came up. One of the films is a silent movie about a man whose life sucks, so he joins the circus as a clown. His act involves him being slapped repeatedly. I am terrified of clowns. I like the premise of this film. I think they should remake it, because today they could also kick him in the balls repeatedly. That would be a good film.

First of all let me say that today marks 6 months since my infamous first date with Sparky. Thanks in large part to Heather Smith Tucker I have not yet swung the wrecking ball at this relationship.........it's a long story -- if you know me well -- you totally understand my intense personality -- if you only know from reading this, well you can only imagine what a peach I am.

If you have seen the movie, The Jerk, starring Steve Martin you will get this --- if not, too bad.

Readers please weigh in on this question........ Why do some people take so long in the bathroom??

As many of you may know, my current residence is on the market. I still live in this home. So riddle me this............if a for sale sign is in the yard, does that give free reign to strangers to wander around your yard??

My apologies for going AWOL again --- I am in the process of moving - within the same community - but no matter how hard I try to move objects with my mind, and regardless of how many spells I have cast -- the old house is still packed with my crap - and it is not jumping into the car and moving itself.

I came to grips with the fact long ago that if I ventured past black pants and shirts, or jeans and sweatshirts, that I really need to see the outfit hanging together in the store to put things together. Easier yet is to have personal shoppers. As a kid we had them in the major department stores -- today they are some of my well put together friends.