Twas the night before Christmas,

Running nude through the house

And my penis was stirring

To the dismay of my spouse.

We were all out of condoms, but I didn’t care,

Worst case scenario, I could cum in her hair.

The bitch was thinking, “I wish he were dead”

As I jumped from the headboard on down to the bed.

When one of the bed legs broke with a snap,

And my fucking wife yelled, “I’m sick of this crap”!

Suddenly, out on the lawn I spotted a hooker,

If I hurried outside, perhaps I could poke her.

Out to the lawn I ran like a flash,

Pulled down my pants and showed her my stash.

The moon light on her breast, reflecting off the snow,

Made me reach for my unit to feel it grow

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a huge set of tits, and a cute little rear

And something in her undies so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment, this bitch had a dick.

More rapid than eagles my dick became lame

As it grabbed at its parts, and called them by name,

Now Lefty, now Righty, now Hooters, now Chickens,

On Fuzzy, on Shorty, on Testes, you dickens.

I ran for the porch, I ran for the wall,

When the freak screamed “Wait” and grabbed hold of one ball.

Things begin to spin, I almost felt high,

When the she-male reached over and unzipped my fly.

Now to my own dismay my little cock grew,

And I noticed Miss Thing was sportin’ wood too.

I felt sort of odd, I felt like a goof,

My life was resembling a bad porno spoof.

As I gathered my wits and was turning around,

Through my front door came the queen with a bound.

It was dressed all in drag from its head to its foot,

And I hate to admit but it looked pretty cute.

A bundle of “Toys” it had flung on its back,

And its face looked great, damn that hairy nut sack!

Those tits how they jiggled, but those ass cheeks so hairy,

My cock stirred again, damn this was scary.

Its sexy full lips were ready to blow,

And my short little pecker was starting to grow.

The base of my rod it held tight in its teeth,

And I knew if I struggled it would sever my meat.

I concentrated on its face, and rubbed its hard belly,

But I started to sweat when I saw K-Y Jelly,

It gave a great blow job, and I let out a yelp,

I started to enjoy it, in spite of myself.

With a wink of an eye, and a suck on my head,

I  began to realize I had nothing to dread.

It spoke not a word but kept at its work,

It didn’t take long, and I felt like a jerk.

I’m a sixty second man as any past lover knows,

As I looked at its tits, I wished I’d fucked those.

When it knew I was finished it gave a loud whistle,

And said “That was quick, in fact it was pitiful”.

And I heard it exclaim, as it drove out of sight,

“Go back inside and be nice to your wife, you’re so bad at fucking, it’s really a fight!”