You might want to go grab a handful of kleenex before you start to read this, because I am sure you will take pity on me and perhaps shed a tear before you are done reading.

I am at the Cannes Film Festival. Cannes, France is located on the French Riviera, and the buildings of the festival are overlooking the sea. While the scenery is markedly different than good old Illinois some things are the same world round.

No where in the world should you wear tight white pants if, A) You have cellulite that shows through and is accentuated by said slacks, or B) if you have on dark colored, or wildly patterned underpants. Well I saw both on one woman today. And one or the other on several more. You're in France people - why are you even wearing underwear? As for the pants so tight they show off your cottage cheese ass - well that is just terrible judgement!

No one knows what 8 seconds amounts to. In one of the seminars I was in today, each of us had to get up and give 8 seconds on who we were and why we were there..........I'm not sure I got mine in quite that fast but at least I did not blather on incessantly about shit no one cares about. The only thing worse than that is the Q&A period after sessions like this........lordy, people - spend more time at home talking to yourselves. Don't come out and bore the bejesus out of the rest of us.

Casino rules are the same everywhere. They also play Texas Hold 'Em in France. The Bytch can win in France too. I wanted to take a picture of it for my siblings, but photos are not allowed in any casinos! The chips are in Euros - and they do have 10 Euro chips - while they do not have $10 chips in the states - so while the rules were all the same, the chips were slightly different - although they felt exactly the same.

Are you sniffly yet? Doubt it - I was just yanking your chain about needing a hankie - my life is a fucking dream come true!

Au Revoir,

Le Gym Bytch