Some of you that are Facebook friends of mine know that HT and I have been in Texas for the last few days - seeing the Dallas Cowboys play on Thanksgiving day, and today watching the Houston Texans play - if that is what you want to call it.

We arrived in Dallas and stayed at a Marriott Courtyard - they had a nice area to go down for breakfast so we did that.......in our clothes. With real shoes on. This was not the case for everyone. People are in their pajamas, slippers - and one woman came down in sweats and a t-shirt with no bra. This would rarely be acceptable for a family breakfast - but would be plausible if she had small, perky breasts - the woman that I saw had boobs the size of large watermelons - pointing at the floor with giant nipples - it was gross. To say the least. The absolute least.

The breakfast attire really occurs in every state in the nation. But the hair.............I think the giant, bad 80's hair is more of a Texas thing. And the bad wigs on men........and the thin, awful pony tails on men........we saw some very hideous hair here. But the people sporting it seemed to be proud of it.

People in Texas can't drive worth a shit. Even though the highway has signs to tell them that the left lane is for passing only - they jam themselves in that lane and drive 60mph. Normally I drive a big ass truck - which would fit in nicely here - and there appears to be no limit on the height of the lift you can add - so if I were in a truck - I would drive right up their ass. They likely wouldn't notice. If you don't know what I'm talking about with the lift - turn and ask someone near you -

Pants are optional in Texas. All the time. Everywhere. Leggings are not pants if your ass is showing, with your visible panty lines. If you have a rockin' ass that someone could bounce a quarter off of you can have on a short shirt with your leggings. I did not see an ass even close to this. I threw no quarters as I was certain most of them would have been sucked into these lumpy mounds of flesh. Put on some god damn pants people. No one wants to look at your cottage cheese ass. And people - if your person puts these on - why don't you say something to them? Make it seem nice - something like "honey - I don't want your ass attracting unwanted attention - why don't you go put some real pants on?" I think that sounds nice..........but that's coming from me so who really knows.

There was one instance that is completely stand alone. At the Cowboys game, while waiting in line to get into the party zone before the game, there was a young person in a kimono, with giant round orange shades, no pants at all, and some giant black Herman Munster shoes. This is not football attire. I am tolerant - but this is not football attire. You are just asking to get your ass kicked - again - put on some god damn pants.

If you decide to go to NFL games - please show up as early as they will let you in - you won't want to miss the shit show.

love,

The Gym Bytch