I did not go to the gym on New Year’s Day – I do not make resolutions and Thursday is my day off from working out. I decided that yesterday. That and the number of Resolution Makers that appear on the 1st make me want to kill someone. Half of them have no idea what they are doing and they just clog things up worse then the normal idiots.
But I went today – and hallelujah – the place was still chock full of halfwits.
Ok – ok – cut them some slack – you have to start, or restart somewhere ---- so this seems a good time for some pointers – and a new game that I discovered prior to the new year.
Wear plenty of deodorant.
At least run your fingers through your hair before heading out.
Put on more deodorant – you can never be too fresh.
If you can smell the alcohol coming out of your pores before you leave the house – take a quick shower or sponge bath – if I have to smell that rancid liquor I’m going to vomit. I will do that right toward you.
If you don’t know how to use a piece of equipment (this is including but not limited to your penis) ask someone that knows to show you the proper way.
Do not rest on a piece of equipment.
Wipe the sweat off of anything you touch – that includes the bike seat or the bench your nasty, sweaty ass was sitting on.
Don’t try to make small talk with someone who is wearing headphones - we are plugged in for a reason. We are there to work out, not chit chat.
COVER YOUR JIGGLY SHIT --- for the love of all things holy – there were a couple of people there today with entirely too much flesh exposed. Shorty shorts are something you earn, not a God given right.
Take a towel. That way you do not have to lift your shirt, thus exposing your giant, hairy, jiggly belly – especially if you are walking toward me – I almost hit the ground and yelled “INCOMING”. It looked dangerous and I felt violated. Use a towel from you own home to wipe your sweat – that way you can leave your ample tummy covered.
Now for the game – I have several people that appear to already be playing.
Get some dice – leave them near your workout attire in the closet – put on your proper undergarments – that means strap down the girls and get the turtle corralled - then roll the dice and the number you get is the number of random pieces of clothing you have to put on and wear to the gym. It also appears that as you grab clothes you should have eyes squeezed tightly shut. Once you have the appropriate number – but them all on in random fashion – and out you go. Perhaps I will start giving a prize for the oddest costume!
Love,
The Gym Bytch