I feel certain that I have gone over these pieces of “etiquette” before – but with holiday shopping season upon us, it seems time to revisit some simple rules. If you follow these rules you will make shopping a much more pleasant experience for everyone, and you will not get flipped off, yelled at, or given the stink eye nearly as often as some of you did today.
I was out shopping – half price Halloween – and apparently it is time for Christmas – I’m not ready for that – I focused on the half price crap – because I did not have nearly enough spooky, devilish, craptastic shit in my yard last night!!
Shopping Etiquette to get through the season:
If you are an employee, do not stand in front of your check out line with your substantial belly hanging out, while trying to lure me into your line with “Are you ready to check out?” No, but I’m ready to upchuck from having to look at your front butt hanging out of your pants at work.
DO NOT STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF ANYTHING – THE AISLE, THE DOORWAY, THE RESTROOM DOOR, THE PARKING LOT, THE ENTRANCE TO THE PARKING LOT – THE MIDDLE IS NEVER THE PLACE TO STAND…………THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE ON THE PLANET BESIDES YOU, YOU GINORMOUS DOUCHE BAG!
Learn to drive before heading out. Understand how parking lots work. Get comfortable getting your Prius in between those lines in the parking lot. For fuck sake, I can park a one-ton long bed truck between the lines, and next time I may just park ON the part of your shitcan that is over the line.
Do not just stop walking in the aisles of stores because those of you that do that are always in the mother fucking middle of the aisle – you are never pulled over to one side like you should be.
Do not just walk right into people – sometimes you need to step to one side or the other. I had an asshole in Target just blow right into the side of me – my guess is he is some sort of freaky pervert that gets off on touching people in that manner. If you do this, do not cry foul when someone hauls off and punches you in the face. There should be consequences to being a fuck wad. I won’t even go into that………yet another part of the nut sackification of the world. There are no real consequences when you are a rude prick.
I will roll out more rules in the future………..I just wish more of you had decent manners and a smidgen of common sense, and self awareness.
Love,
The Gym Bytch