For a person that has always lived and worked in the same city, I now spend a considerable amount of time driving as I have businesses an hour from where I live. I know I should be doing something constructive like listening to books on tape, or NPR. Sometimes I call friends and family to get caught up. Sometimes there has been so much talking that I have to just turn up the radio and sing.

Lately there have been two songs that have me puzzled. First of all why can't I feel my face when I'm with you? Have I had a stroke? Is it winter in Illinois and you are too fucking cheap to take me inside for a date - and instead call it a romantic walk? I hate living where I can't feel my face some of the time - so if you want to get past the first date and feel something other my face yourself - don't take me for a walk. Are you trying to perform erotic asphyxiation on me? Choking me during sex? I'm not down with that either. I want to feel my face. If I can't, I don't want to be with you.

Maybe the person that is hoping for cake by the ocean doesn't want to feel her face when she is with you - maybe you should ask her out............

These are real songs:

Can't Feel My Face by The Weekend and Cake By The Ocean by DNCE

I will say that there is one song that is even worse then either of these - at least these two are good instrumentally. 

The dumbest song of all time is Muskrat Love by The Captain and Tennille..........here is just a tiny sample of the lyrics in case you don't know them -- oh wait - never mind - I am not going to bring myself to type those words about Muskrat Susie and Muskrat Sam doin' the jitterbug in Muskrat Land............it is literally a song about vermin falling love and getting it on........what the fuck Captain and Tennille - you two were dropping some serious acid when you came up with this load of bullshit.

Ok - kids time to head for home - that means an hour in the car...........

Love,

The Gym Bytch