Surviving The Garage Salers

Tuesday, April 22, 2014/Categories: Entries

Surviving The Garage Salers

I'm back.......................(use your Poltergeist voice)

So I have been sorting, packing, moving, dealing with a new home that is still not done, and generally just been a real, honest to goodness bitch!! And not a funny bitch at all --- so I spared you the diatribes.

In all the packing, donating, pitching and selling of shit, I have had two garage sales - and what a treat those are!! Seriously -- my sister Kate Keller Maggio and Heather Smith Tucker and Jane Eisner Green and now we have added Heather Smith Carter to the mix --- but the first 4 of us have done these sales for years!! The entertainment value is priceless!! The costumes people wear to go to garage sales are worse than what they wear to the gym!!

We have a had a man in his pajamas, a woman with gold teeth in leopard leggings (minus the body to pull off leggings), bright yellow socks and crazy hair, and we see butt cracks galore!! I now try to put things up on chairs, or tables - or out in the driveway, facing away from me -- it helps to minimize the butt crack action!!

Another fun activity is seeing what comes out of Jane's mouth during a sale and how long it takes that to happen -- for instance:

Lady (while looking at an oak table marked at $20): "Will you take $2 for this?"
Jane: "I would rather chop it up and use it for firewood, than sell it to you for $2"

Customer leaves.

Another activity is, the night before while doing the final set up, everyone guesses what the first item to sell will be --- frequently it belongs to HST --- if we had some religious items those are always hot sellers.

There is really only one downside to garage sales here at my house - and that is my asshole neighbor from down the street - that offers 5 cents for everything. This is a grown man -- we put out a tub of free stuff for kids - and he came and took about 12 things, including a naked Ken doll -- what a fucker. Maggie wanted to put more things in the free tub this past week - and I lost my shit and said absolutely not - because if that jackass comes in here I am going to find another naked Ken doll and beat that bastard to death with it -- and no, I do not have anger management issues! Well, I do with this turd.

On the flip side, my neighbor across the street brought us a plate of fresh homemade California type rolls -- makes up for the jack wagon - sort of

If you ever need any garage sale tips - the Gym Bitch is here to help!!

The Gym Bitch

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