Some of you may wonder -- What does Gym Bitch do on a Friday night?? Surely, she can't have many friends with that attitude?? But wait, she does have a boyfriend.......
Well, let me tell you about my Friday night. It started at about 6pm when I went out in the yard with my dogs and picked up dog shit, by putting the plastic bags my newspaper comes in over my hand and dropping turds into a plastic grocery bag.....glamorous!!
I came in (I did wash my hands) and then headed out...........first stop - Prairie Gardens to look for a mirror for the new half bath........nothing.
Then it was on to the Vitamin Shoppe - for things for my dog......brewer's yeast and organic apple cider vinegar --
Then for the first time in about 3 years I headed into TJ Maxx -- places like this give me an eye twitch and make me hyperventilate. I normally have to go with a human assistant. While I was in there, desperately wanting to leave, as a middle aged man magically appeared at the other end of every aisle I started down. He stood still smiled, and then popped up in the next aisle. At that moment I decided to try a frugal approach to my mirror and simply repaint the one that was already in that bathroom.........genius. Thank you strange stalker man for giving me the needed inspiration to get the hell out of the store. And yes, I did see your wife - who was agonizing over every item she looked at - for fucksake lady it's TJ Maxx -- the prices are good - just buy the damn crap, put it out and then next year either donate it or sell if for one cent on the dollar at your garage sale.
Then it was on to Target -- one of my favorite places and one store I can actually get through by myself - I know where everything is in there - finally - the rearranging of the store threw me off for a bit but it's all good now!!
Last stop Schnuck's. There were not many of us in there --- a 110 year old man in his scooter, a sweaty woman -- I am going to say she had just come from the gym, a couple - the man was carrying his woman's purse, and a couple of other random loners like me..........ok - so I did feel like a loser being in the grocery store on a Friday night alone.
That's what I get for dating a guy that lives 90 miles away and has several large contracts right now that have him working 7 days per week.......he's hot enough that it's worth a little bit of time publicly looking like a reject.
At least I wasn't standing around squeezing cucumbers --- although if you read my last column, I'm guessing a cucumber can do it as many times as it needs to..........
The Gym Bitch